Dumervil fax machine: ‘don’t blame me, I’ve been neglected’

fax machine

Former Denver Broncos defensive end Elvis Dumervil’s agent is blaming his fax machine for not getting a signed contract back to the Denver Broncos in time, forcing the team to cut the pass rusher just before the 2pm deadline on Friday.

“This guy hasn’t used me in like 8 months,” said agent Marty Magid’s Xerox PHASER 3300MFP multifunction copier, printer, scanner and fax machine. “I mean, would it kill him to spring for the $200 to get me some toner, or call the Xerox guy to come check out this damn paper jam I get everytime someone tries to feed more the 3 pages?”

“My f–king ‘replace toner’ light has been on for weeks, but no one does sh-t about it.”

The Xerox PHASER 3300MFP added, “…and who sends faxes anyway; what is this, 1985? My scanner still works. I could’ve easily scanned the contract, made a PDF out of it  and emailed it.”

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